Choose It

September 24
Choose It.

"It's just the way I am."
"If you don't like what I do, you don't like me."
"I can't help it."

One things is clear, we don't like to take responsibility for our actions. It's someone else's fault; from our spouse to our parents, and even "mother nature." Why are we so scared to take responsibility? Is it because our choices reflect who we "are" and we are afraid to take an honest look at our lives? Reality is, no one's perfect. We all have faults. But we also all have a choice.

We can choose our actions and our reactions. We can choose our friends. We can choose to have no enemys. We can't choose our family but we can choose how to treat them. We can choose our attitude, our lifestyle, our entertainment, our food, our drink.

You can choose right now, today, to change something in your life that you don't like. And it's all you. Choose it.

Technology

September 23
Technology

Right now I am talking to a friend. My friend is far away in Japan and yet I can see her clear as day, hear her like she's in this room. Technology is a miracle in a lot of ways. Some of it's a nuisance. Most of it I could do without. But thanks to Skype, the internet, webcams, and speakers I am hanging out with my friend from thousands of miles away.

Mere Chrstianity

September 22
Mere Christianity

Yesterday a friend lent me a 1971 printed copy of the book "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. You know a book is good when the preface moves you. You know something is good when you find yourself nodding along to ink on paper. You know something is good when every deep sense in you tells you that what you are reading doesn't just make sense, it's true. So many wonderful jewels can be found in this tiny little book.

I am usually speeding through books because I want to know the end of the story or I want to get on to the next series but with this 190 page treasure, I am pacing myself, one chapter a day so I can soak it in.

Miscommunication

September 21
Miscommunication

Have you ever fought with a loved one and realized half way through the fight that you're no longer even talking about the topic but about the way you are talking about the topic?

I think fighting it out once in a while is healthy. Air it out, I say, but do it in love realizing that the outcome you want is not to be further apart, but closer together even if you don't see eye to eye. (And how can you if he's 6'2" and you're 5'4"?)

There's nothing more in the moment than a heated argument. Too bad you mostly fight about the past, things that cannot be changed, or the future, things that you have no control over. All you have control over is yourself and how you react to the fight.

I walked it off (ran it off is more like it) and visited a friend. By the time I got home the fight in us was gone and clarity of thinking reigned. It was all just a miscommunication.

September 20
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig


Jeff got home from his trip tonight. It was not a reunion of the likes of Twilight or even a sappy chick flick. He put his suitcase in the trunk, got in the car, and gave me a familiar smile. I love his face. I love what he adds to our home. I'm so glad he's back.

Chocolat

September 19
Chocolat

Today was glorious. I ate delicious chocolate in many forms and watch the movie Chocolat for the first time. It was fabulous. I highly recommend it.

I love to be with friends. I love that we can talk openly on a variety of subjects. Everyone needs a sounding board and I am grateful for mine.

Separation Anxiety

September 18
Separation Anxiety

A true enemy to living in the present is Separation Anxiety. I feel it every time my husband or a I go away from each other for an extended amount of time. It used to happen every time I went back to college after a trip home. Separation Anxiety and I have been companions for many years.

I think it is a close relative of the "When I's" because I am worried that if something happens to either one of us (which would be totally out of my control) while we are apart, I need to have my first steps after that mighty blow already figured out. Macabre.

I didn't feel it until just now, when I got home to my house full of inanimate objects and nothing more. Jeff is gone for the weekend and I am alone. I'm not scared of the boogey man or bad guys. I am not scared to sleep alone or wake alone. I guess the only thing I am scared of is a situation like this becoming permanent. Nothing's going to happen and I know these thoughts are unfounded and irrational but still they come, every time one of us goes away.

Living in the moment means I should find something to be glad about. Surprisingly, there are a few things that instantly come to mind. First, two nights in a row of catching up on girl talk and other long overdue correspondence. Second, I clean my house much better when no one is here for me to feel a grudge towards about not helping enough. Third, I enjoy my company. Being alone for two or three days at a time helps me to get reacquainted with myself and to gauge where I really am. I imagine you can tell a lot about a person by what they do when they are alone, only you'll never know for sure.

So, my moment of today was still about the future. It's only day two; I promise I'm trying.

No Disclaimers: A Study of Living in the Present

Welcome to No Disclaimers: A Study of Living in the Present.
This blog is a way for me to live in the present, something I am no good at. I have a pretty sever case of the "When I's." There are two places where this problem lives; in the Past and in the Future.

For example:
FUTURE
When I'm thinner...
When I go to college...
When I get married...
When I have a baby...
When I retire...
When I am tan...
When I pass the test...
When I get a promotion...

PAST
When I was thinner...
When I was in college...
When I was single...
When I was married...
When I worked...

When I didn't have to work...

That's where I live. The past and the future (as in, it's September 17th and I'm listening to Christmas music right now.) I will use this blog to take at least one moment in my day, over the next 365 days, to live in the present. I will enjoy, hate, love, cry, sing, or have an epiphany and it will end up here. Whether something happens or nothing happens I have made it my goal to acknowledge it and write it here.

I believe that life is eternal. I believe in a place with no beginnings and no ends. I feel like we get to that place in the life after this one because by then we'll be just as happy in the place we're in as we've ever been. I look forward to that and need to practice now. No more putting off till tomorrow what I can do today.

If there was a sub-header under my title it would be Practicing Optimism. I'm no pessimist but from what I hear on the metro, at work, and sometimes from my own mouth, I think that most of us need some practice. Whatever happens in my day, good or bad, (and I won't be censoring), I will try to find the silver lining. I have been known to get annoyed at those people but that only hurts me they won't be offended. I am doing this for me, for my family, and for my sanity.

Where does all this enlightenment come from you ask? Well, that's today's entry.

September 17
Listening

Tonight I went on a walk with my friend Stephanie. As my observant cousin put it when she met Stephanie, she is a very attentive conversationalist. She is smart, fun, creative, motivated, talented and beautiful. You'd think that someone like that would also be too full of themselves to be a great listener, but she's that too.

In listening to me today as we walked in our neighborhood, and by asking the right questions, she not only helped me realize some of my weaknesses but made me realize that I could to turn them into strengths. One of my biggest weaknesses is waiting for the future to happen or staring to hard at the past. Again, that's how this project was inspired and that is what I'm glad about today. I'm glad to have Steph as a friend, glad to have an excuse to write, and am glad that we can change.